We (many of us) resist expectations like a plague! It's absolutely against our nature to do things just because someone expects us to in the way they expect us to without regard to our basic human nature, our internal makeup.
Often problems you think you see in your relationship is a misunderstanding of events, conversations, or circumstances that haven't been explored and discussed, but are assumed.
Assumptions are one of the biggest relationship problems in existence - assumptions usually cause negative and resentful interactions with those we think we have a problem - usually, our partners.
When the couple makes the shift from dwelling on the problem to finding a solution for the problem, then the entire tone of the conversation takes a shift. Arguing about the problem itself will only beget more arguing.
Fighting repeatedly about the same issue is very emotionally and mentally draining. When a couple comes together to talk about a conflict they have to be solution-focused in their approach.
These steps are crucial in the problem solving process. Many couples tend to fight continuously about the same issue. We call this "seeing the same old mountains".
Identify the Best Possible Solution That Is the Right Fit for You. Find a solution that is appropriate and comfortable for you. Put That Solution Into Effect....Right Away. The sooner you start attempting to fix the problem...the sooner you will solve the problem.
Reflect on How You Would Like Things to Be....Ideally. If you could wave the "magic wand" how would things change? Write Down All Possible Solutions to the Problem. Write down all possibilities and all solutions that you can think of.
Explore the Deeper/Underlying Reasons and Causes for the Problem. Example: Why do you feel that your girlfriend never listens to you. Can you recall some examples of when this occurred.
Specifically Define the Issue/Problem. Example: My husband is never home. My girlfriend never listens to me. I can't stand to be around my husband's mom for more than two minutes. I'm in love with my best friend, but he/she isn't interested in me."
This conflict occurs because each person brings to the table their own set of wants, needs and expectations which may differ from their partner. Here are some steps to help and assist couples with solving their relationship issues.
However, if anyone is going through some difficulty with his/her partner, first step must definitely be acknowledging problem. The earlier you understand problem, faster you will be able to resolve problem.
If you are currently in a relationship, then you are aware of the fact that relationship problems may cause unneeded stress in your life. Anytime two completely different individuals are placed together in a relationship there will undoubtedly be some conflict and struggle.
One you hold a grudge, the safe zone will break down and fall to pieces. If this happens, then all the hard work you put into creating this safe zone of communication will be lost and you will have the same relationship problem you started with.
Your relationship depends on it. This safe communication area it to help overcome whatever problem you are having. What is said in the safe place, stays in the safe zone and you do not let grudges get the better of you.
That is, create a safe and open environment with your partner to talk about issues. In this safe area, do not let your emotions get involved. Whatever your other says, listen carefully, think about it, then give a loving and caring response.
This way you can talk out issues and problems without letting your emotions get the better of you. You may also lean that a relationship or marriage counselor is needed, this is perfectly fine! It is normal to seek help! But! before you do this, try what I suggested.
Even if you don't believe me, give it a try! you have nothing to lose! This safe zone must also be 50/50. This means you both need to give your all for it to work. You must both be open and loving in what you say.
This is not easy to do and requires love, honesty, hard work and commitment. If you can keep an open line of communication, then you will fix your relationship problem or problems, help prevent a divorce and gain control of your relationship.
This means, no matter how bad, you cannot get mad at your other if she or he openly tells you something. You want to keep this open line of communication anger free. It should be a safe zone. This safe zone will be central to keeping your relationship problems to a minimum.
Take it with an open mind, loving ears, and an honest heart. This type of communication with keep the love flowing, the intimacy intact, thus resulting in a strong and healthy relationship.
The most common problem with relationships and marriages is bad communication. This is the root cause to most divorces and breakups. One must keep an open and honest line of communication with their partner at all times.
The moment this communication breaks down is the moment a couple doubts their longevity together. They start second guessing what they can say and begin telling lies. To avoid this, never get mad at a spouse if he/she wants to tell you something.
This is very hard for men to understand, because men just think that women like to go too in-depth focusing on the problem. What they don't understand is that women are simply exploring all the angles and their feelings about each angle, in hopes that a solution will appear.
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